I had so many profound things to say before I sat behind this computer. Realizations, revelations, and cute little stories I could wrap up in tiny a package to bestow upon you. The last few days have been filled with so much life and experience, surely I have some sort of "the moral of the story is:" or a "and that's why I had the best summer vacation ever" conclusion. Nope. Nothin'.
Things in my life seem to lack conclusion. I can't remember the last clean cut end to a chapter or the beginning of one. Life is all muttered together with experience after experience with only a quick, impersonal "note to self" tying it all together. In all reality, more questions and dynamics arise on the way to the original sought after conclusion leaving you confused as fuck as to what you were doing in the first place. The thought of all the things in my life that haven't seen a conclusion is overwhelming. So much so that more questions have gotten in the way of my side tracked questions that distracted me from my original questions. It's an amazing spiral that I encourage you to never think about.
What the hell does that mean? See, more questions. I guess I want some friggin' answers. How many licks does it really take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop? I picked up a book on tape by Al Franken where he gives "life" advice to graduating college students. I figured it'd be interesting, humorous, and somewhat insightful. No. Just a bunch more ramble like the shit you've been reading. However, in his effort to give others advice on life it made me think of the advice I've given over the years. Have I been giving good, useful, and relevant advice? Yes, for the most part I have. I thought back to recent conversations where I shed some wisdom. All those little "note to self" post-its where coming alive and formed themselves into something that could be shared with others. A perfect thesis equipped with a statement, supporting materials, and why yes- a conclusion!So, the moral of the story is all the experiences you've been through are anticdotes of your life until you reflect upon them and figure out why they were valuable. There's your pretty little package. I'll be writing a book of philosophy should you need me...
2007, great. Now I can write the date wrong on everything for a good month and a half. Just think if it were January 2006, what would you do different? I probably would care a lot less about things that consumed me over the year. All the thinking was a waste of time. Didn't change anything, especially when you never act upon your thoughts. I do that a lot- come up with great ideas or plans and then let them fizzle. Maybe that's what I was supposed to learn in 2006.
Doesn't New Years suck though? It's one holiday that is recognized the world over, celebrated in just about every culture but isn't as commercially whored like the others. No cards, presents, obligations, or vanity. Seems a lot more "real". That's why it sucks. Valentines Day is full of expectations and let downs. You expect your special someone to be there with you and shower you with crap to "prove" their love, or for some it's a reminder that they are hopelessly alone. You know going into Valentines Day what to expect given your current relationship status, good or bad. New Years on the other hand is a true romantics night. People come together with friends (and strangers) with a optimism and hope for "what could be", spirits are high and everyone's heart is light. Forget all the crap that has happen over the year, you can accomplish anything this go-around.
What's more attractive then hope, confidence, and a new found love for life? Whether you think this year will be any different then last, the future is untold and those around you glowing with anticipation is enough to make even the most jaded of us smile. That's why is sucks. It stirs emotions I wasn't prepared to face. It creates thoughts of the future which I've been avoiding. I'd face my issues on my own accord, but this holiday suddenly forces me deal with them now.
For instance, another ball drop and me quietly sipping champagne. Why is that? I'm convinced it's purely my own fault. I mean, I'm not perfect but I feel I have redeeming qualities that the opposite sex would find attractive (or at least tolerable). Am I afraid? Am I not ready to share a symbolic moment like that with someone? Am I holding on to the past or am I blinded by my expectations of the future? Maybe I'm just thinking too much? Guess 2006 taught me nothing...